We are no longer in Kansas …

So said Dorothy to Toto.  On Feb 29, the auspicious leap date on which Steve’s daughter got married, I told good friends that we were about to enter the twilight zone, never fully realizing the extent of what would unfold.  And so, where in the world in Carmen SD … B Li?  A reasonable question as I was in Middleton only 28% of 2019.  But, of course, the question is moot in this twisted, twilight zone!  Friends and relatives of friends were severely affected by COVID-19 in NJ and NY with two succumbing, NYC colleagues experiencing the unimaginable.    

Baby Juna

Most importantly, Theresa and Ben’s second daughter Juna arrived just a day late on July 9^th!  As her Montessori school closed, Ben got up to study (master’s) at 4 am, then took care of  Flora from 7 am, while Theresa worked from home, and then they flipped in the afternoon.  Flora enjoyed the close attention and continued her self-directed, Montessori-style puttering from one activity to the next.  She said “Happy Birthday, Yeye” (paternal gramp) last week!

Big Sis Flora

Jack & Memee

Naomi

Jack and Naomi’s public school amazingly transitioned to daily 40 min Zoom classes, including gym and music, yet despite that effort Rachel noted a decline in learning.  Like all families, she bore the brunt of maintaining school and piano discipline, nutritional and mental health.  After a big sigh of relief, she is taking both swimming at a nearby recreationalized pond.  Fast Naomi has been invited to play on a travel soccer squad a year up.  And Rachel compiled video clips into the most wonderful recorded birthday card from many of you!  Best ever.

And so we adapt.  Flightless since returning from NYC on March 17.  Auto trips only to Milwaukee and to Mary and Steve’s northern Michigan camp.  Constricted in-person social circle but expanded tele-reconnects with family, high school, college, residency mates, former colleagues/mentees/mentor (Memee 90+) and AsAm medical students. Less reading (Van Gogh, Bruce Lee bios), more watching.  But without sports ... unexpectedly enjoyed Chinese and Korean dynastic series, “Rise of the Phoenixes, Rookie Historian, Princess Weiyoung, Last day in Chang-An” with strong heroines but … 50-70+ episodes.  Limited to two meals/day to control weight without exercise facilities.  Tai Chi by tele-teaching by Master Tam in Vancouver.  In spring, hiking/bird watching in the nearby conservancy with Steve.  And summer, tennis with Steve, biking with Jeff, now up to 50-60 miles/week.  Virtual dating.  In a throwback, I picked up the guitar after 40+ years with arthritic hands.  JT, here I creak and croak again.

And so we learn.  The myth of American exceptionalism.  Watched “13^th Amendment, Just Mercy, I am not Your Negro” that connect dots between slavery, Jim Crow, mass incarceration, social inequality and contemporary lynching (by authorities).  Caste by Isabel Wilkerson argues that it goes beyond race to a fixed, socially-constructed caste system.  Watching PBS’s “Asian Americans” with former schoolmate talking heads, Helen Zia and Gordon Chang and “First Vote” with niece talking head (on anti-Asian racism*,**) Jennifer Ho who is the Director of the Center for Humanities and the Arts at the U. Colorado – so proud!   Learning that Asian American health providers and medical students have been sadly and ironically (while others are feted) targeted by anti-Asian racism. 

And so we retire.  One sleepless night, tossed and turned up the idea that I should be contributing something … telemedicine?  I got approval and funding from our national organization, and within 5 weeks Zoom-organized 23 faculty into a 6-hour Telehealth Webinar with 500+ registrants.  Most importantly found two faculty to lead continuing Telehealth projects.  Cyclic vomiting syndrome (yes Suzanne) keeps me up(chuck) to date with guideline revisions, chapters, talks and research mentoring.  APAMSA prepared for next steps with an 8-hour strategic retreat by Zoom.  And I am interviewing artist Margaret Chang (Hong Xian) to collect materials for a possible small biography.  Hmm, I seem to be working.

"Floating without end" by Hong Xian

As Lois said in her birthday greeting, “count your blessings, not your candles.”  Said perfectly.

So as life is placed on pause, take some time to glimpse inwards while reconnecting virtually outwards … here’s a Coke zero with a twist of lime toast to adaptability (and positive changes to come) … 

REQUEST YOUR MAIL-IN BALLOT

*https://journalofethics.ama-assn.org/podcast/ethics-talk-spread-anti-asian-racism-and-xenophobia-during-covid-19-pandemic (interview with the AMA)

**Anti-Asian Racism & COVID19.pptx (can ask me for it)

Coronaville – our new home

Whether you are on staywork, furlough, staycation, self-isolation or quarantine .. it’s no longer Margaritaville. Aunt Terri (Teri’s sister) asked me to share my recent experience and thoughts with you.  

I visited NYC for Asia Week (largest Asian Art fair in galleries and museums) 2½ weeks ago as I had the past four years.  Just as chaos was erupting heralded by the closure of major museums and Broadway.  Susan and I dropped into empty art galleries, one opened just for us after my call – the owner wore a mask.  On Saturday night, Broadway was unprecedently deserted, we along in usually full restaurant and one of a handful at an off-Broadway whodunit.  We took the emerging CoVID concern seriously but not fastidiously seriously.  For example, we elbow bumped instead of hugged, but didn’t distance or mask even though not yet recommended.  Ben called me repeatedly, “Dad you’ve got to get out of NYC, it will the next epicenter!” (before it became so) and shared articles (on community acquisition) as well as his frontline experience.  Somewhat reluctantly, I shortened my stay and returned to a less exposed Middleton, Midwest.  A few days later Susan alerted me that our mutual friends both tested positive, and that she had spent four hours with them before onset of symptoms and that I had been secondarily exposed.  I then went into self-quarantine for 2 weeks.  Fortunately, both of us … remained healthy.  We dodged a bazooka.

What did I learn?  Despite burdensome anticipation from an indirect CoVID contact, I was relieved to be alive, and well.  I indeed had not fully pondered the early on risk.  Were it not for Ben, I would not have altered plans.  He acted pointedly like a parent for which I am truly grateful and thank-full.  I am concomitantly humbled as parent and physician.

Like you at home, I’ve had a chance to speak with numerous family and friends in the US and Canada.  I have read many articles, heard presentations, spoken to my retired from CDC classmate, listened to overwhelmed front-line (including Ben) physicians, and carefully followed my two CoVID + friends.  After an interminable two weeks of fever, cough, shortness of breath, low oxygen levels, their course finally turned.  Like all of you, I still worry for others.  

A few numbers and observations I wanted to share.  Some may be helpful.

1)    Infectivity, compared to influenza.  While a single case of influenza (which I had this spring) is estimated to potentially infect 400 others over a 2-month period, a single case of CoVID could similarly infect 100,000!  Like a California wildfire, it only takes one (ironically even at a funeral) to ignite a whole city.  And, CoVID is 20X more likely to cause mortality than flu.

2)    Spread by whom.  No longer just travelers and the obviously infected, it is in the community even spread by the asymptomatic (except for loss of taste and smell) infected persons.  It is running silently and ubiquitously in our communities.  And, in the absence of herd (previous) immunity it can run rampant, via direct cough droplets, via indirect surfaces (20 hours), in the air (3 hours) and possibly stool.

3)    Who.  Although 80% of cases are mild or moderate, 20% require hospitalization and 5% need ventilators and are at a significant risk of dying.  Serious cases appear to require almost a month in the ICU (much longer than usual) and overwhelms critical care and supplies.  Besides the chronic disease risk factors (especially hypertension due to ACE2 receptor?), it has a predilection for males (70% fatalities) especially over 80 years.  Yet in is not only the elderly as 40% of NYC in-patients are < 50 years.  What is causing deaths not the virus so much as the body’s immune overresponse (cytokine storm = systemic inflammatory response syndrome SIRS) leading to adult respiratory distress syndrome and multisystem organ failure.  And, who wins, and more importantly, who loses ventilator lottery? 

4)    Social isolation and distancing.  The countries where they have stopped CoVID cold, including Taiwan, Singapore, and in South Korea, have done so early self-distancing and isolation and by extensive testing, tracking all contacts of positives, and quarantining.  We don’t have that capability.  However, this flattened curve doesn’t mean you won’t eventually acquire CoVID but avoiding a CoVID mushroom cloud will relieve an overladened medical system and provide a better chance for survival later on.

5)    Medications.  Hydrochloroquine antimalarials do show promise in trials (controlled study from Wuhan), but it may be even better when coupled with azithromycin (Z-pack).  Remedesivir a failed IV anti-Ebola agent shows promise and is currently in trials here.  Tocilizumab an IV anti-inflammatory agent in one case report calmed the cytokine storm.  A vaccine is at least a year away.

So friends and family, take care and be safe.  Follow the guidelines especially washing your hands anytime your go out or return with regular soap and water for 20 sec up to your wrists.  And, if you should get symptomatic – fever, cough, shortness of breath, muscle aches, headaches + loss of taste, diarrhea – please get tested if available and self-isolate.  

Equinox unseen

under Corona glare

daffodils arise 

Three non-fiction bestsellers

Three impactful bestsellers all came in concomitantly from my library request list in the last two weeks and are worth a mention as tasteful food for thought in this Chinese New Year of the Rat.  

Talking to Strangers:  What we should know about the people we don’t know [how our interactions with strangers often go wrong] – Malcolm Gladwell

This is another Gladwellian foray into the maze running behind curious human behavior.  This book is apropos now when the world feels irretrievably polarized as it tries to examine ways we misinterpret or fail to communicate with one another, especially strangers.  It begins with death of Sarah Bland after an undeserved traffic stop spirals out of control, extends to those of numerous unarmed African Americans in police encounters and traverses all the way to blind spots at the root of historical tragedies.  How did Fidel Castro fool the CIA for a generation? Why did Neville Chamberlain think he could trust Adolf Hitler?  Why are campus sexual assaults on the rise?  Then onto wide-ranging front-page incidents involving the deceptions of Bernie Madoff, the trial of Amanda Knox, and the child-abuse scandal involving coach Jerry Sandusky.

Gladwell argues that the flawed tools and strategies we use to make sense of people we don't know invites misunderstanding and conflict with profound unintended consequences.  One of the misperceptions is that we autonomically default to is taking strangers at their word so-called ‘default to truth’ which was at the heart of a CIA double agent, sexual abuse of gymnasts and the unwarranted trust of Hitler.  He explains other types of miscommunications, especially when strangers’ actions that do not conform to accepted norms (“transparency”) and when a failure to recognize a connection between behavior and external factors (“coupling” or context) allows us to radically misinterpret the intended action.

At times the book felt a little too facile, too sensational, but it did explain why the overextension of police policy of geographical profiling and using incidental (tail light) infractions to stop ‘suspicious’ citizens (with the hope of finding contraband) led to unfortunate interactions that resulted in too many unwarranted deaths.  Sobering.

Life span:  Why we age – and why we don’t have to.  David Sinclair PhD

When I first saw this title, I thought it must the hyperbole of the fountain of youth.  But, after reading it, I learned a lot about mechanisms and treatment of aging (especially sirtuin system), some of which … could be life changing now!  Dr. Sinclair is an eminent Harvard geneticist who studies aging and is a strong proponent of studying aging as a disease, that is the core malfunction that underlies specific diseases – cardiovascular, metabolic (diabetes), cancer and neurodegeneration (Alzheimer’s).  He maintains that if we fully understand the aging process, we will be able to circumvent or substantially delay many of the known diseases and experience a markedly enhanced quality of life.  It seemed fanciful at first glance, but he is quite convincing.  

Indeed, many of the key mechanisms have already been elucidated by his and other laboratories – in worms and rodents – and can extend lifespan by 5-20%.  The main one is the ancient sirtuin protein that toggles back and forth between fertility vs. repairing damage.  Resveratrol (red grapes/wine yea!) and nicotinamide mononucleotide stimulate sirtuin and delays aging – the latter even restores fertility in aged mice (grandma become new ma?).  Rapamycin inhibits mTOR (even given at the end of life) in simple cells and metformin activates AMPK (mimicking fasting) with reduced dementia, CV disease, cancer and frailty in 41,000 humans!  A second is epigenetic reprogramming – the Yamanaka (Nobelist) factors – which in simple systems can reverse cellular aging as if hitting a reset button.  BUT, as of yet there is no definitive evidence that these will work in us and long-term side effects are yet unknown.  But as we speak, human trials have just started but may be years to conclusion.  

Dr. Sinclair to his credit, discusses the demographic, nutritional, climatic, social and moral implications of these momentous possibilities.  He and others project that our grandchildren will on average live to 100 years and that people will have 3 careers, a main one, plus two others lasting until the age of 90.  Accordingly, I’m aspiring to be a 90 sprightly Walmart greeter!  I also much appreciated the extent to which he gave credit to others in the field and especially his laboratory post-docs.

Lastly, despite the unknown, he has hedged his bet and reveals what he is doing to improve his own odds of aging gracefully.  He emphasizes lifestyle modification – intermittent fasting, low protein, plant >animal protein, exercise and sleep which we have discussed.  All grandma’s advice.  But he also takes metformin, resveratrol (100s glasses of red wine worth/day) and nicotinamide mononucleotide, an active metabolite of vitamin B6.  

This was fascinating and thought provoking and for me a life changer to find what is known and what one can do potentially do now for oneself.  And I’m going to hedge my bet as well.

Range: Why generalists triumph in a specialized world.  David Epstein (sportswriter)

What's the most effective path to success?  Epstein begins with Tiger’s terrible twos when he already knew he was going to become a golfer and after racking up hour after hour of deliberate practice he outpaced everyone without such a head start.  It turns out, even among elite athletes, early specialization and focus is the exception not the rule.

Having exposure to multiple sports, multiple types of creative arts, multiple academic disciplines, multiple jobs appears to help in several ways.  It allows the child to trial and find a match, it provides a breadth of background which informs unique problems, and it allows the problem solver to draw analogies from a wide range of experiences.  For example, too often it is I have a hammer and there is a nail therefore I … yet the stent-hammering cardiologist continues on despite the equivalent outcome of conservative treatment.  In fact, grit may be overvalued in many who simply change instruments, fields, or jobs due in truth to trying to find a better match rather than from lack of persistence.  So, while experts argue that anyone who wants to excel in a sport, an instrument, or a field should start early, focus intensely, and practice deliberately, data suggests otherwise.

At first, I thought Epstein, an award-winning sportswriter, was selecting data, perhaps even outliers.  But as he reviewed life stories and group analyses of top achievers, he discovered that early specialization is the exception and broad exposure is more the rule.  In domain after domain, from elite (Roger Federer) athletes to artists (Van Gogh), musicians and composers, inventors (of Nintendo, glitter, Apple), forecasters, scientists and Nobel Laureates (Cajal), this pattern seems to hold true.  In a complex and rapidly evolving world, generalists, who typically find their path later than earlier, rather than specialists solve/discover/invent the big and difficult ones. By balancing different interests, they appear to be more mentally agile and more able to make connections (analogies) across fields that narrow specialists cannot see.  The most impactful inventors and Nobelists often cross domains rather than plunge into a single area alone.

This book is one of the most insightful books about learning that ever I’ve read and is relevant to our kids, especially grand kids, teachers, professors … mid-career change.  For our grand kids, having to figure out the hidden rule rather than simply memorizing the short cut, failing a test, quitting a sport or instrument and taking up another appears to be in the long-run the best way to learn.  I realized belatedly how my dilettante-ism (interest in humanities – religion, psychology, medical anthropology) enabled me to delve into grey areas of functional mind-body GI disorders, develop diversity curriculum and understand Asian American medical students.  I came to view Ben’s 7-year walk-about differently as an experimental, matching and maturing phase in which his sociology studies, experience with underserved, goal of social justice, and humanities coalesced into his unique career path.

a NY's or Chinese NY's post

When I reviewed my favorite memories of our condo overlooking the Milwaukee River – moving water soothing– I realized that Teri’s aesthetics and ergonomics (kitchen) were fully realized, something you who visited well appreciated.  Then, I realized that I had lived there longer by myself than with Teri – time slips away quietly and quickly.  

In January I downsized to one room of furniture and one 10x10’ storage and am renting temporarily in Madison to be close to my best friend Steve and mentor/friend Memée and their extended families.  A warm homecoming after 33 years away.

Over the past three years, a seasonal travel tempo has been established – so even while travelling 70% of the time, I am in a familiar and comforting rhythm.  Winter relief is a tour abroad (Kenya/Tanzania/ Netherlands), followed by Asia Week in NYC plus another spring break (DC and Vancouver).  May brings an annual reunion road trip through Iowa City (birthplace), Columbia MO, Lawrence KS (parents burial place).  July-Oct in Vancouver are consumed by daily Chen Tai Chi study/practice.  The fall season includes talks at the APAMSA and NASPGHAN conferences (+ Japan), an OSU football game (2 this year), a Tai Chi trip boot camp in Vancouver, topped off with Thanksgiving and Christmas alternating between Mendham and Denver.  The consistent joys in these journeys are family, old and new friends, great food and conversations, and sightseeing (art).

Highlights?  Ngorongoro Crater and the Serengeti with Steve’s extended family where we saw the free range Big 9 and learned abundantly about natural order, competition, evolution, survival, human incursion and the devastating effects of tropical infections and colonialism.  Interesting fact, Indian Asians comprise 7% of Kenyans yet control 60% of the economy not unlike the Chinese diaspora throughout SE Asia.  ‘Touching’ a Yuan Dynasty (1360s) Chao Mengfu painting in the Freer Gallery storage in DC about which father wrote a monograph.  White water rafting/camping for 5 days on the last undammed, pristine Salmon River in ID with Rachel’s family as she described ‘seeing nature through an 8 and 6 year-old eyes’ and as John captured ‘completely unplugged and totally connected to family and nature’.  And, little FLORA running and calling me Yeye (male-side grandpa). 

Rachel, John, Jack and Naomi continue to prosper in Mendham NJ, Rachel cooking instructing and catering and has the most organized household.  John is with a new generic pharma company and fortunately can work remotely.  Jack is thoughtful, warm and math savvy whereas whereas Naomi is now a speedster and soccer savvy.  Ben, Theresa, Flora (plus one coming) remain in Denver for another 1½ year, Ben completing his fellowship/master’s focusing on gun violence while Theresa works remotely at a Bay Area start-up.  Flora is a truly Montessori 16 month-old who feeds herself with a fork, and is verbal, signing and exacting about what she wants (and does not).

I feel fortunate to continue rich cultural experiences through traveling, art museums and galleries, artists, art historians, curators, eclectic reading (new high of 60 books) and series (Bosch, Mrs. Maisel).  I highly recommend Boon Joon Ho’s Parasite (Golden Globe foreign film winner) a complex comedy, thriller, tragedy and disquieting commentary on social inequity.  I continue to transform my self through Tai Chi (new muscle memory, improved proprioception & BP control), intermittent fasting, increased plant protein/less animal protein, antioxidants and mitochondrial supplements.  And I just began the ‘interesting’ process of internet dating after 45+ years.  

May we all share a healthy and fulfilling 2020 despite our aches and pains and the inhospitable atmospheric and geopolitical climate.  It is indeed wonderful to remain mobile in mind, body and of course bowels – my specific GI perspective.

Memorial Weekend in Lawrence KS

With fresh lilies in hand, a visit to my parents’ graves to communicate with them and Teri as well. But before I went, I reviewed all that has transpired – good and bad – since Teri’s passing in 2011 ...

Organizing Teri’s ‘awake wake’ and memorial gathering

Establishing the Teri Li Award for Young Educators in Pediatric Gastroenterology and an ongoing endowment

Working while taking care of my declining father 22/7 for 3½ years – unpredictable day to day

Organizing my father’s memorial gatherings - in Milwaukee and Lawrence

Resolving my father’s estate - including flying to HK

Sorting all of his academic papers – the half in Chinese with the help of an art historian

Donating his papers to Taiwan National University – his desired choice consummated

Donating his remaining books to Arizona State – altogether these papers and books took 2½ years

Cataloging and properly storing his artwork – with the help of 2 art historians and an art organizer – took 2+ years

Retiring from the Medical College – yeah 

But, continuing to give talks, write articles, edit UptoDate, mentor students, fellows and faculty, review papers and write letters of promotion

Traveling 75+K miles/year to see family especially grandkids Jack, Naomi and Flora, friends including a bunch of 80-92 year old younguns, and colleagues ... and give a few talks and view artwork

Traversing the globe for both work and play – Vietnam, Cambodia, Canada, China, Kenya, Tanzania, Netherlands over the past 12 months

Maintaining an ongoing base in Vancouver (especially if we get Trumped again) – onsite 4+ months/year

Receiving two career awards in Pediatric Gastroenterology – Murray Davidson Award from the American Academy of Pediatrics 2012 and the inaugural NASPGHAN Master Educator Award 2018

Receiving the MCW President’s Inclusion and Diversity Award 2018 

Receiving the APAMSA 25^thYear Anniversary Mentor Award 2018 - 2018 was quite a year for this retiree

Learning to live on my own! A relearning experience and life makeover.

Undergoing and surviving 4 elective surgeries – 1 with complications

Improving my health through intermittent fasting, eating more plant protein, taking antioxidant tea and suppments and practicing Tai Chi

Becoming a serious practitioner of Chen Tai Chi – with a bonafide master in Vancouver

Undergoing therapy to deal with Teri’s demise, my Tiger mother and my distant father – and in the end, coming to peace with them, my life and all of its challenges

Learning about Chinese ink art through auditing courses, reading my father’s monographs, and now extending his collection – he would be proud

Selling my father’s condo

Selling our condo - last Tuesday

Downsizing to a 10’X10’ storage locker and 1 room of furniture!!!

Moving to Madison

I didn't realize ...

With brimming thoughts, I told all three that I was in a good place, doing well in body, mind and soul and, most importantly, that I had come to peace with both of them (my parents) and my recent challenges.  After what I’d been through, I think all three, especially Teri as to how much I’ve grown as an individual and both parents as to how far I’ve come professionally and personally, would be proud of me.  That felt really, really fulfilling.  I told them that for the very first time … I felt I was finally and fully free and ready to move forward with my life.  

As I walked back to the car with good friends Helen and Norman – my father’s friend, KU colleague, remodeler and caretaker – I expressed my feelings of being unburdened and emotionally buoyant while tears welled up.  They both put their arms around me. 

May 26th, 2019 (on Dad's 99th B-day)

Six weeks, six stops ending on Mother’s Day

It began at Chen Tai Chi ‘boot camp’ in Vancouver where I averaged 2½ hours a day such that ambulating became arduous.  Despite my age, I’m learning and understanding faster and deeper but each time I have to correct bad habits developed practicing solo back in the States.  Sadly, it was the last time I saw my friend Don who passed away within 3 months of discovering a brain malignancy (see previous blog).  Dogwoods were in full blossom. 

In Louisville (pronounced Lewisville), Pat (Japanese art historian), David and I hiked above Boulder in the spectacular Flatirons with spring green and thorny blossoms.  We walked through their dream Japanese-styled house in progress, went to the Denver Art Museum and met the Asian Art curator, and visited with another Asian art curator/collector. 

Flatirons south of Boulder

Ben is within stone’s throw of finishing one of the most intense 4-year Emergency Medicine residencies in the country.  Hooray for surviving and even thriving.  Theresa works from home and has created the most stimulating environment for Flora. Both deftly share responsibilities. I enjoyed taking her to her Montessori Academy.  She smiles effusively, eats for up to an hour at school, comes to me easily, and appears to be a bit strong-willed.  Hmmmm.

.

Pounding out another day at the office

In Baltimore I was overwhelmed by the national Pediatric conference at the Convention Center.  A nice dinner with the few GI speakers in attendance.  I discovered the Walter’s Museum extensive collection of 19^thC British art.  On demand rental scooters (Uber) zipped everywhere along sidewalks, bike lanes and streets, yet another glimpse of the future.  Someone yelled “Dr. Li!” in the colossal hallway.  I turned around and there were the two Robbins sisters who did summer research for me in Columbus now all grownup both pediatricians and parents!  What a sheer delight to catch up after two decades.

Robbins sisters, pediatricians and parents

Onto DC where I entered the depths of the Freer Gallery storage to view ancient Chinese paintings with my octogenarian buddies Margaret (Chinese ink artist) and her husband TC from Houston.  Inches away from our eyes, paintings dating to 978 CE (1041 years old!), one from the 14^thC on which my father wrote a monograph, and 16^thC Chan (Zen) Buddhist paintings by Bada Shanren thoughtfully juxtaposed next to two of Margaret’s

Hong Xian aka Margaret Chang

paintings that reside in the Smithsonian.  A tie to my father – this is what he did for a living!  And a Leonardo DaVinci, French impressionists on one side and Rothkos, Calders in the opposite East Wing.   

Baton runner, not twirler

Swingin' Jack Hammer

Then to NJ where little Jack’s baseball plus his advanced math might add up to baseball analytics.  Naomi runs track like the wind and now keeps up with the boys … hopefully she outrun them later on.  Rachel is catering her special dumplings and John just started growing another pharmaceutical firm.  Read to Jack’s class.  In NYC, despite serious agoraphobia, I climbed up and down the Escher-like Vessel at the head of the High Line next to Hudson Yards.  Caught up over lunch with Leo and Marilyn a former colleague at Ohio State.  

The Vessel - outside

And in

Flying home, I sat next to an engaging woman from Minnesota who shared a picture of herself with her commentator son Pete Hegseth on Fox News at 8 am that same Sunday morning to celebrate Mother’s day.  We spoke over 2 hours on all kinds of issues – diversity, women, Asian Americans, family, kids, grandkids and she asked about Teri.  After she had listened closely she perceptively observed, “You are still learning from Teri!” I responded yes, she is still teaching me how to be a better person.  What an unexpected revelation from a stranger!  We all still miss her, especially on Mother’s Day … 

Happy Mother’s Day, Teri.

My friend Don

I had come to know Don through his spouse Cora both artists in Vancouver.  She is the daughter of my father’s best friend from Pui Ching Middle School in Macao.  Her father was an eminent scientist-leader who set up Taiwan’s first research park in the 1980s.  Because we were in the adjacent state, we would visit during summer vacations.  Her father also Dr. Li was one of the few Chinese males who gave me fatherly advice and actually was fatherly, unlike my own. Some six years ago, after a 50+ year hiatus, I renewed ties.  They both are just the sort of insightful, liberal, socially conscientious, art activist folk that I respect. 

Whenever in Vancouver, we would gather at their inviting custom-designed Japanese-style house replete with large, vegetable garden, beehives, large coi pond, free standing artist studio, wall-to-wall paintings (his Asian inspired acrylics) and drawings (her geometric ink). They are vegetarian.  Don is a red-blooded Canadian, that is to say not only respectful as Canadians tend to be, but also opinionated and outspoken.  Other adjectives that come to mind include high energy, inquisitive, adventurous, well-read, perceptive, and thoughtful. As one example, when he goes to China to do videography, he unabashedly uses his studied Mandarin to connect.  

Mid-December, 2018.  I took my usual late fall sojourn to Vancouver to “correct” deficiencies in  my Tai Chi form.  As always, we got together for dinner.  Our dinners are typically full of extended discussions on a myriad of topics from kids, grandkids, healthy living, local, national and Chinese art, current books, social and political issues.  We also went to see Crazy Rich Asians together and had a dinner discussion afterwards.  

Late January, 2019.  I received an e-mail from Cora saying that Don had a brain tumor and was scheduled for surgery.  I then went to Kenya and Tanzania.  Sporadic updates revealed that Don went home but had completely lost his speech, an unimaginable loss of connection.  However, he understood things normally.  And he preferred not to have visitors. I sent my best written and internal wishes.

Mid April, 2019.  I planned another two week “corrections” trip to Vancouver.  I asked if I could come and see Don.  Yes, he did want to see me but it would depend upon how the day went as he was having recurring seizures.  I felt honored.  It also evoked my traumatic experiences with Teri. I approached this with less trepidation about his seizures but more about what I wanted to say and how best to say it.  I brought some homemade tea/soy sauce eggs and some store bought dofu skins stuffed with mushrooms that I thought he would like.  

I received a text message that it was OK to see him that afternoon.  I arrived and found him resting following a mild seizure.  I then learned that the illness began subtly with his noticing difficulty finding words – albeit not noted by anyone else.  At the Emergency Room they discovered a large brain tumor on CT scan  and three weeks later it proved to be a highly malignant glioblastoma.  Emerging from surgery, he spoke normally, but within hours had a seizure and then lost all speech.  At his follow-up, they offered radiation therapy which was accepted. Despite the loss of speech and some one-sided weakness, he understood fully, communicated nonverbally and was able to take care of his bodily functions.  Hospice care was initiated at nighttime as they awaited the outcome of radiation therapy.

Don walked out of the bedroom and … amazingly looked like his old self!  He was moving well, calm but unnaturally silent.  Yet his intense gaze and occasional nod revealed his full attention and understanding.  I spoke briefly about my trip to Africa.  Then I told him how he presciently predicted my growing involvement with art and art collecting, something I could not anticipate. I also shared that I had just commissioned a ‘chaos’ calligraphy from a contemporary Chinese artist in whom we shared a mutual interest, and, how my decision to obtain a larger piece was clearly inspired by his expressed intent to do the same and his usual ‘go for it’ attitude.  I told him that once completed I would like to bring it to show to him.

As I prepared to depart, I was overwhelmed by my thoughts.  I felt good that I could share, and he comprehend, that he had influenced my life.  I was profoundly struck by the speechlessness which so affected his inter self and was relieved that his core self was still  intact.  Yet I wondered how I would ever cope with a locked in persona.  This made me think about who he is and what he stands for.  And I worried about Cora coping with the day-to-day and ultimate uncertainty and that this occasion might be the last time I would see him.     

We hugged.  I felt his warmth, gentleness and clear gaze.  He waved goodbye.  I became wistful.

Two weeks later, Cora notified me that Don had passed away.

With respect and love,