Monday, November 28, 2011

Vancouver, tooth picks and Teri’s award – please donate

 Vancouver 11/5-11/14
                                 
Dad and I ate many simple Chinese comfort foods – won ton noodles – even those are discernably better than the best in the States.  We ate at two of the three top Dim Sum restaurants in Vancouver, Fisherman’s Terrace and Kirin.  We hosted one Shanghai-style banquet with shrimp, whole fish and crab – Teri’s favorites – for Dad’s friends including Chinese artists, art critic, art historian, and two former graduate students. 

Despite the seasonal rain and drizzle (7 out of 10 days), I ran twice outside and otherwise ellipticized and practiced Tai Chi.  I read Haruki Murakami’s Wind Up Bird Chronicle (intriguing, difficult to describe) and Ha Jin’s Nanjing Requiem historical fiction about the 1937 WWII massacre.  I learned that Dad was there until 5 months before and had he stayed another 10 days, would have been trapped there …  The book used actual names including Minnie Vautrin who protected nearly 10,000 women and children refugees housed at Jinling College.  The book mentioned Eva Spicer, one my Mom’s professors, who she saw again in 1963 in London.  I gave a talk at BC Children’s.

I learned more about my mother from her Jinling College roommate (90+) but was saddened to learn that her husband had died since we last visited.  In the vernacular of 70-90 year olds, chronic illness, hospitalization, disability, end-of-life, and passing were topics du jour.  I can relate.

More closure and reengagement

With Cindy’s help, we organized a celebration of Teri’s life for her Chinese woman’s group Gan Bei (‘bottoms up’) on the 18th.  I left up the photomontage from the Open House.  Caroline and Eduardo, Kun, Lorraine, Ada and Cecelia, and Tina came for pot stickers, egg roles, fried noodles and dessert.  There was high energy and some tears.  It was something left to do on my ‘closure list’. 

The Gan Bei group brought an abundance of desserts that segued into an impromptu dessert night for neighbors the following day.

Kari, Ben and Rachel’s violin teacher in Columbus for 10+ years, and Ron, invited us over the next night for dinner. 

Seems like we are reengaging, we minus one.

Thanksgiving

Ben returned home for Thanksgiving.  He studied intensely every free moment, following lectures off-line, listening to pod casts, making note cards on his new HTC Rezound smart phone.  It is quite something to experience vicariously his challenges that are both similar and dissimilar (multimedia, much more genetics) to those from my ancient past.  He really enjoys the intellectual challenge, the social experience (group study). and the humanistic (ethical) dilemmas encountered.

Ben and I played ping pong, one of our core family activities in Columbus, at Spin, a nationwide chain combination ping pong palace, restaurant, and bar.  Imagine that you get a bucket of balls, can slam them at will, and someone else retrieves them and refills your bucket.  It was fun. 

We had our usual Thanksgiving turkey with the Koslov/Fulton clan (20+) in Madison preceded by THE best comfort chicken and matzo ball soup.  Steve had his 7th annual trivia contest “Where was the French horn invented?”  “Where did banana hats originate?”  I spent time with one of my mentors Ray (and Memee) who recently developed AML and is undergoing chemotherapy, and son Michael, spouse Tina, and grandchildren Steven and Maddie from Seattle.  Our experience with neutropenic precautions has been useful for them.  We hope for the best. 

[Germany, Ecuador]

Charlotte and Bob invited us over for a post-Thanksgiving dinner of chicken with a sweet soy basting much like my mother’s.

Toothpicks

Teri typically cleaned between her teeth with Japanese toothpicks (carved at the non-pointed end) after dinner, and to my chagrin, would leave them by her place setting in order to reuse them.  When I was in Vancouver, I discovered one barely visible perched atop a thin ledge next to the bathroom sink.  Was it there before?  It has been 16 months since our last visit.  I chuckled when I saw it.  Typical Teri.  Was she there with us in Vancouver?

Then, when we were setting up for Teri’s Gan Bei celebration, I noticed one placed under her usual place setting.  I sit there now.  I don’t remember using one.  If I do, I don’t save them.  Was she here with us?  Mysterious …

Award in Teri’s name

I had a flash.  Teri’s passions, were children, education and service.  Amongst our NASPGHAN (North American Society for Pediatric Gastroenterology, Hepatology & Nutrition - I'm the immediate past president) members, the bulk of our young academics are choosing to become clinician-educators.  We have awards for research, life time achievement and service, but none for budding educators.  Why not have an annual award to honor educational contributions by a young pediatric gastroenterologist – Teri Li Award in Education?  I vetted this with our educational gurus and executive council.  They like the idea.  We would like to start it up next year.

We propose a $500 annual award and an initial goal to raise a $5,000 - 10,000.  If successful, we would like to aim for funding to support pilot educational grants. 

Please donate to this award in Teri’s name.

NASPGHAN Foundation – Teri Li Education Fund
NASPGHAN
1501 Bethlehem Pike
PO Box 6
Flourtown, PA  19031

Teri would be embarrassed for herself, but pleased as an educator.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Reminders and Vancouver

For those new to the blog or just returning, here are some highlights:
Oct 25th:  Award dedicated to Teri
Sept 29th:  A photomontage of Teri's life
Aug 31st (BMT +197):  Awake wake - more photos
Aug 27th:  Awake wake 'A celebration of Teri's life'

Reminders happen.

Last Tuesday evening, I spoke to Asian American and other minority medical students about how to choose a specialty.  At my table, an Iranian-American student had heard me speak previously on the differing expectations during the 3rd year on the wards.  As part of that talk months ago, I had spoken about Teri’s BMT and why it was so important to join the bone marrow registry.  He cited points I made in detail.  Then he pulled up his sleeve and - wow - showed me the green plastic ‘kick butt’ bracelet that was handed out to donors way back in the spring.  I couldn’t believe it.  I showed him mine!  Teri’s supporters are still kicking butt. 

I promised Teri to take my father to Vancouver. 

On the plane we watched photos of Teri and my trip to Venice, Florence and Rome just four months before her diagnosis.  He was enthralled despite having been there a number of times.  “Too bad, you can’t go back to Italy with Teri.”  No, it won’t be the same.  Yes, I can go back.

Getting there.  Things work out.

The key to the condo was stolen and the lock had to be rekeyed.  But, trying to get cleaners in, the concierge was unable to open our door.  Anticipating that we would be up a Canadian creek without a paddle on a Saturday night, I had the locksmith come last week to straighten it out.  The cleaners cleaned and our key keyed.

Anticipating the need of another set of arms, I had Emily, Dad’s former PhD student, to pick us up at the airport.  Wheel chair assistance allowed us to bypass a huge queue of arrivals on China Air.  We went from touch down, through customs, baggage claim, final clearance to exit in < 30 min.  I couldn’t believe our luck.  It probably won’t ever happen again.

In fact, we exited so quickly we forgot to pick up Dad’s walker.  When we realized it and returned later, all the counters were closed.  No one answered the Delta line.  Whoops. The information people were unsuccessful and asked us to return the next day. I wasn’t sure we could transport Dad down the long condo hallway without it.  Discouraged.  We found another information staff – woman with that resourceful twinkle – who after getting no responses, somehow managed to find our original wheelchair driver who had been trying unsuccessfully to reach us by phone.  Lo and behold.

Vancouver is full of memories. 

Teri loved Vancouver.  She set up the household and stamped it with her attention to detail and stylish flair.  She felt at her best of anytime during the 19 month ordeal during July 2010 after her first rounds of chemotherapy, in remission.  Rachel (incubating Jack), John and Ben were here as well.  She ate like a lioness.  Her sticky rice, rolls made to order, the spinach/egg/bean thread bingzi pastry, the xiao long bao (Shanghai steamed dumplings) with vinegar/ginger garnish ... fresh lobster and especially crab with ginger and scallions.

THE BEST DIM SUM, HUGE DUMPLINGS, BURSTING WITH FLAVOR.  THE BEST COMFORT WON TON NOODLES WE’VE HAD.  Supposedly #1 or #2 in North America, competing only with Toronto and Hong Kong.

I retrace our steps of July 2010.  I drive to Terra Nova Park, past the Olympic skating oval, where we saw the bald eagles, but they are gone.  I walk to Diaso the Japanese $2 (Canadian equivalent to US) store to buy a few items where she had so much fun shopping.  I amble to the food market where they made her favorite fresh sticky rice rolls.  It makes me nostalgic, and sad that she is not here to enjoy her favorite things.