Sunday, May 26, 2019

Memorial Weekend in Lawrence KS


With fresh lilies in hand, a visit to my parents’ graves to communicate with them and Teri as well. But before I went, I reviewed all that has transpired – good and bad – since Teri’s passing in 2011 ...

Organizing Teri’s ‘awake wake’ and memorial gathering
Establishing the Teri Li Award for Young Educators in Pediatric Gastroenterology and an ongoing endowment
Working while taking care of my declining father 22/7 for 3½ years – unpredictable day to day
Organizing my father’s memorial gatherings - in Milwaukee and Lawrence
Resolving my father’s estate - including flying to HK
Sorting all of his academic papers – the half in Chinese with the help of an art historian
Donating his papers to Taiwan National University – his desired choice consummated
Donating his remaining books to Arizona State – altogether these papers and books took 2½ years
Cataloging and properly storing his artwork – with the help of 2 art historians and an art organizer – took 2+ years

Retiring from the Medical College – yeah 
But, continuing to give talks, write articles, edit UptoDate, mentor students, fellows and faculty, review papers and write letters of promotion
Traveling 75+K miles/year to see family especially grandkids Jack, Naomi and Flora, friends including a bunch of 80-92 year old younguns, and colleagues ... and give a few talks and view artwork
Traversing the globe for both work and play – Vietnam, Cambodia, Canada, China, Kenya, Tanzania, Netherlands over the past 12 months
Maintaining an ongoing base in Vancouver (especially if we get Trumped again) – onsite 4+ months/year
Receiving two career awards in Pediatric Gastroenterology – Murray Davidson Award from the American Academy of Pediatrics 2012 and the inaugural NASPGHAN Master Educator Award 2018
Receiving the MCW President’s Inclusion and Diversity Award 2018 
Receiving the APAMSA 25thYear Anniversary Mentor Award 2018 - 2018 was quite a year for this retiree

Learning to live on my own! A relearning experience and life makeover.
Undergoing and surviving 4 elective surgeries – 1 with complications
Improving my health through intermittent fasting, eating more plant protein, taking antioxidant tea and suppments and practicing Tai Chi
Becoming a serious practitioner of Chen Tai Chi – with a bonafide master in Vancouver
Undergoing therapy to deal with Teri’s demise, my Tiger mother and my distant father – and in the end, coming to peace with them, my life and all of its challenges
Learning about Chinese ink art through auditing courses, reading my father’s monographs, and now extending his collection – he would be proud

Selling my father’s condo
Selling our condo - last Tuesday
Downsizing to a 10’X10’ storage locker and 1 room of furniture!!!
Moving to Madison

I didn't realize ...

With brimming thoughts, I told all three that I was in a good place, doing well in body, mind and soul and, most importantly, that I had come to peace with both of them (my parents) and my recent challenges.  After what I’d been through, I think all three, especially Teri as to how much I’ve grown as an individual and both parents as to how far I’ve come professionally and personally, would be proud of me.  That felt really, really fulfilling.  I told them that for the very first time … I felt I was finally and fully free and ready to move forward with my life.  

As I walked back to the car with good friends Helen and Norman – my father’s friend, KU colleague, remodeler and caretaker – I expressed my feelings of being unburdened and emotionally buoyant while tears welled up.  They both put their arms around me. 
May 26th, 2019 (on Dad's 99th B-day)

Wednesday, May 15, 2019

Six weeks, six stops ending on Mother’s Day


It began at Chen Tai Chi ‘boot camp’ in Vancouver where I averaged 2½ hours a day such that ambulating became arduous.  Despite my age, I’m learning and understanding faster and deeper but each time I have to correct bad habits developed practicing solo back in the States.  Sadly, it was the last time I saw my friend Don who passed away within 3 months of discovering a brain malignancy (see previous blog).  Dogwoods were in full blossom. 

In Louisville (pronounced Lewisville), Pat (Japanese art historian), David and I hiked above Boulder in the spectacular Flatirons with spring green and thorny blossoms.  We walked through their dream Japanese-styled house in progress, went to the Denver Art Museum and met the Asian Art curator, and visited with another Asian art curator/collector. 

Flatirons south of Boulder
Ben is within stone’s throw of finishing one of the most intense 4-year Emergency Medicine residencies in the country.  Hooray for surviving and even thriving.  Theresa works from home and has created the most stimulating environment for Flora. Both deftly share responsibilities. I enjoyed taking her to her Montessori Academy.  She smiles effusively, eats for up to an hour at school, comes to me easily, and appears to be a bit strong-willed.  Hmmmm.
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Pounding out another day at the office
In Baltimore I was overwhelmed by the national Pediatric conference at the Convention Center.  A nice dinner with the few GI speakers in attendance.  I discovered the Walter’s Museum extensive collection of 19thC British art.  On demand rental scooters (Uber) zipped everywhere along sidewalks, bike lanes and streets, yet another glimpse of the future.  Someone yelled “Dr. Li!” in the colossal hallway.  I turned around and there were the two Robbins sisters who did summer research for me in Columbus now all grownup both pediatricians and parents!  What a sheer delight to catch up after two decades.
Robbins sisters, pediatricians and parents
Onto DC where I entered the depths of the Freer Gallery storage to view ancient Chinese paintings with my octogenarian buddies Margaret (Chinese ink artist) and her husband TC from Houston.  Inches away from our eyes, paintings dating to 978 CE (1041 years old!), one from the 14thC on which my father wrote a monograph, and 16thC Chan (Zen) Buddhist paintings by Bada Shanren thoughtfully juxtaposed next to two of Margaret’s
Hong Xian aka Margaret Chang
paintings that reside in the Smithsonian.  A tie to my father – this is what he did for a living!  And a Leonardo DaVinci, French impressionists on one side and Rothkos, Calders in the opposite East Wing.   
Baton runner, not twirler
Swingin' Jack Hammer

Then to NJ where little Jack’s baseball plus his advanced math might add up to baseball analytics.  Naomi runs track like the wind and now keeps up with the boys … hopefully she outrun them later on.  Rachel is catering her special dumplings and John just started growing another pharmaceutical firm.  Read to Jack’s class.  In NYC, despite serious agoraphobia, I climbed up and down the Escher-like Vessel at the head of the High Line next to Hudson Yards.  Caught up over lunch with Leo and Marilyn a former colleague at Ohio State.  

The Vessel - outside

And in
Flying home, I sat next to an engaging woman from Minnesota who shared a picture of herself with her commentator son Pete Hegseth on Fox News at 8 am that same Sunday morning to celebrate Mother’s day.  We spoke over 2 hours on all kinds of issues – diversity, women, Asian Americans, family, kids, grandkids and she asked about Teri.  After she had listened closely she perceptively observed, “You are still learning from Teri!” I responded yes, she is still teaching me how to be a better person.  What an unexpected revelation from a stranger!  We all still miss her, especially on Mother’s Day … 

Happy Mother’s Day, Teri.

Thursday, May 2, 2019

My friend Don

I had come to know Don through his spouse Cora both artists in Vancouver.  She is the daughter of my father’s best friend from Pui Ching Middle School in Macao.  Her father was an eminent scientist-leader who set up Taiwan’s first research park in the 1980s.  Because we were in the adjacent state, we would visit during summer vacations.  Her father also Dr. Li was one of the few Chinese males who gave me fatherly advice and actually was fatherly, unlike my own. Some six years ago, after a 50+ year hiatus, I renewed ties.  They both are just the sort of insightful, liberal, socially conscientious, art activist folk that I respect. 

Whenever in Vancouver, we would gather at their inviting custom-designed Japanese-style house replete with large, vegetable garden, beehives, large coi pond, free standing artist studio, wall-to-wall paintings (his Asian inspired acrylics) and drawings (her geometric ink). They are vegetarian.  Don is a red-blooded Canadian, that is to say not only respectful as Canadians tend to be, but also opinionated and outspoken.  Other adjectives that come to mind include high energy, inquisitive, adventurous, well-read, perceptive, and thoughtful. As one example, when he goes to China to do videography, he unabashedly uses his studied Mandarin to connect.  

Mid-December, 2018.  I took my usual late fall sojourn to Vancouver to “correct” deficiencies in  my Tai Chi form.  As always, we got together for dinner.  Our dinners are typically full of extended discussions on a myriad of topics from kids, grandkids, healthy living, local, national and Chinese art, current books, social and political issues.  We also went to see Crazy Rich Asians together and had a dinner discussion afterwards.  

Late January, 2019.  I received an e-mail from Cora saying that Don had a brain tumor and was scheduled for surgery.  I then went to Kenya and Tanzania.  Sporadic updates revealed that Don went home but had completely lost his speech, an unimaginable loss of connection.  However, he understood things normally.  And he preferred not to have visitors. I sent my best written and internal wishes.

Mid April, 2019.  I planned another two week “corrections” trip to Vancouver.  I asked if I could come and see Don.  Yes, he did want to see me but it would depend upon how the day went as he was having recurring seizures.  I felt honored.  It also evoked my traumatic experiences with Teri. I approached this with less trepidation about his seizures but more about what I wanted to say and how best to say it.  I brought some homemade tea/soy sauce eggs and some store bought dofu skins stuffed with mushrooms that I thought he would like.  

I received a text message that it was OK to see him that afternoon.  I arrived and found him resting following a mild seizure.  I then learned that the illness began subtly with his noticing difficulty finding words – albeit not noted by anyone else.  At the Emergency Room they discovered a large brain tumor on CT scan  and three weeks later it proved to be a highly malignant glioblastoma.  Emerging from surgery, he spoke normally, but within hours had a seizure and then lost all speech.  At his follow-up, they offered radiation therapy which was accepted. Despite the loss of speech and some one-sided weakness, he understood fully, communicated nonverbally and was able to take care of his bodily functions.  Hospice care was initiated at nighttime as they awaited the outcome of radiation therapy.

Don walked out of the bedroom and … amazingly looked like his old self!  He was moving well, calm but unnaturally silent.  Yet his intense gaze and occasional nod revealed his full attention and understanding.  I spoke briefly about my trip to Africa.  Then I told him how he presciently predicted my growing involvement with art and art collecting, something I could not anticipate. I also shared that I had just commissioned a ‘chaos’ calligraphy from a contemporary Chinese artist in whom we shared a mutual interest, and, how my decision to obtain a larger piece was clearly inspired by his expressed intent to do the same and his usual ‘go for it’ attitude.  I told him that once completed I would like to bring it to show to him.

As I prepared to depart, I was overwhelmed by my thoughts.  I felt good that I could share, and he comprehend, that he had influenced my life.  I was profoundly struck by the speechlessness which so affected his inter self and was relieved that his core self was still  intact.  Yet I wondered how I would ever cope with a locked in persona.  This made me think about who he is and what he stands for.  And I worried about Cora coping with the day-to-day and ultimate uncertainty and that this occasion might be the last time I would see him.     

We hugged.  I felt his warmth, gentleness and clear gaze.  He waved goodbye.  I became wistful.

Two weeks later, Cora notified me that Don had passed away.

With respect and love,