BMT Day +152 Two good days … how am I doing?

Teri puttered about the last two days doing stuff.  Sorting.  Organizing.  Discarding.  Writing numerous reminder notes to herself.  She talked with Ben and I.  She thought about outdoor furniture.  She dealt and completed a game of solitaire, the first in many months.  She ate.  She took her medications.  We flushed her three PICC ports and two neph tubes.  Last night she slept for 6 hours continuously for the first time in six months!

Upon awakening from a nap yesterday she exclaimed, “I’m so happy not to be in the hospital!  I’m still here [at home] … and I’m not crazy!”

How am I doing?

Many of you have consistently and considerately asked me how I’m doing.  It is easy to be glib – I’m doing OK – but in reality I’m genuinely fatigued and short on reserves.  Between being a good stiff upper solider and honest, I’m often at a loss for what to say.  It has been too long of a course to be able to keep up the grin and bear it.  It has been too rocky a course without a day-to-day steady incline towards recovery.  It is a 24/7 intensive nursing role with no respite.  We have a constricted life outside of in patient hospital, Day hospital, living basics, and visits from supportive family and friends.

I have put all my eggs in Teri’s survival basket.

Today was my birthday.  A bike ride and massage provided by Ben, Rachel, and John.  Really worked out a lot of crinkles, either stress-related or bike related.  We had dinner out with my father, Teri and Ben – a logistical challenge that we successfully met.  Excellent grilled shrimp, gazpacho, outstanding steaks (best ever according to Ben), mango pork chop followed by hazelnut lava chocolate cake with vanilla cream. 

I’ve hung on to exercising and writing this blog as two non-work actions to help keep myself sane.  I have to brag a bit.  Over July 4^th weekend, I rode 60 miles at an average pace of 18.6 mph, not bad for a 61 year old old fart.

I learned several weeks ago that I have been selected to receive the Murray Davidson Award from the American Academy of Pediatrics for career contributions to pediatric gastroenterology.  It feels good to be recognized for past contributions but does it compensate for having to give up serving as president of our professional pediatric GI society NASPGHAN? 

All in all, it was a nice birthday … in part because Teri exuded so much positive energy.