Moving, minimalism and memories

The move to Madison/Middleton is only a freight train fortnight away but the feelings are churning slowly. After six days, Teri’s seven different warm fall colors were resurfaced by contemporary neutral reflecting the six inches of powdered snow outside.  Necessary for sale, so I’ve been convinced.  It is a bland canvas now bereft of personality, artwork, momentos, and photos with the ghostly ribbed duct dragon suspended above us properly prepared for new owners.  The dragon reminds me of upcoming Chinese New Year of the Boar on Feb 5, 4717.

It has been a gargantuan and lonely multiyear task of sorting through all of my father’s, my mothers, Teri’s letters, my work, and my personal material.  Reliving Teri’s letters that bridged our first year of married separation (KC to NYC) and the full blown exuberance.  And through those from my parents I rediscovered, largely forgotten, that they were initially not supportive of our union.  Still processing why, I know that its roots lie in the mismatch between the traditional Chinese parent vs. raised Chinese-American adult.

Soon, I will be downsized to a 10’X10’ storage locker and one room of furniture!  Rachel had given me the Marie Kondo book to help me.  I didn’t formally ‘tidy’ but began to look at the 39+7 years of accumulation partly as an anchor preventing me from embarking on my next journey.  Teri had efficiently eliminated our suburban attic, basement and garage as she was without regard for any items that hadn’t been retouched.  It took me much longer as I stewed but finally queried myself if I would likely miss it?  A friend asked ‘Are you a minimalist?”  No I’m utilitarian.  It does feel simplified, right-sized.

Memories and images revisit me in night dreams and day dreams.  I have now lived in this cool condo longer without Teri than with her.  The walkability along the river to restaurants, theater, symphony, barber, financial advisor, bank, health club.  I will miss it.  The southern view of the Milwaukee River provided constantly moving water to quelch my type A fires.  The 11’ tall wide open concept with exposed concrete and wall of windows comfortably engulfed the GI division or some 50+ energetic medical students, with all their shoes lined up outside.  

And especially, Rachel and John’s wedding reception, little Jack at birth and at one, Dad’s 90^thbirthday party, and his memorial.  And this abode was endlessly infused by Teri’s presence, energy, and eye. Most of all, I can never erase her evocative ‘awake wake’ a few days before her passing nestled by family, friends, colleagues, neighbors:  Ben’s white coat ceremony, heartfelt spoken recollections and appreciations, and her music all woven together into an indelible, timeless tapestry.