Remembering travels 2005-2007

As I sorted through pictures this weekend, these reminded me of our trips together from 2005-2007,.  We, now regrettably, took remarkably few pictures of ourselves on our travels.  I share these few with you.

Making pottery in Okayama, Japan

Katsura Villa, Kyoto, classical capital of Japan

B's favorite city Kyoto - classical, gardens, temples ... peaceful pockets

Next to B's house - lived 8 months in Kyoto as teenager

Ryoan-ji most famous Zen rock garden

With proprietess of elegant Kyoto restaurant

Her exquisite, dainty, aesthetic multi-course meal

A special all tofu restaurant - plain, but comforting

Mano a mano in Chengdu

'OK, one more apple, now smile ...'

 

The Potala

Alas, my lassie in Lhasa

Rotating the Tibetan prayer wheel

My aunt (mother's sister) in Guangzhou

Father at the gate to his ancestral village Conghua

Father visited his ancestral home for first time in 70 years - all-but abandoned, but full of memories .

Extended Li's - father's cousins and nephews

Enjoying her most favorite xiao long bao at their origin in Shanghai

Surgery, father, and kids

Surgery

I’m sitting here sore in my lower abdomen, having difficulty bending over and walking upright.  Coughing is no fun.  Better than yesterday. 

On Wednesday, I had bilateral laparoscopic herniorrhaphies.  It took an hour and a half and have since been taking only acetaminophen.  Smooth.  I took Jack’s picture with me into surgery, like a transitional object.

Pirate eater

But, I developed acute urinary retention from the anesthesia and ended up being sent home with a Foley catheter.  Very frustrating.  It evoked many bittersweet memories of taking care of my father’s and Teri’s double nephrostomy tubes for 6 months. 

Given a choice of whether to stay in hospital or return home with catheter, I naturally opted for the latter, but quickly realized that managing it, lining the bed, changing to the nighttime drainage bag was really meant for a deft helper, especially when one is groggy and post-operative.  Where is my Teri?

Father

His health is stable and good.  No visits to the Emergency Department.  Knock on wood. 

An article that he wrote (in 2008) just came out in this year 2012 in a two-volume Feschrift on the occasion of Prof. Wen Fong’s retirement from Princeton.  My father spent a very productive semester and summer there with him as a post-graduate fellow in 1960.  My father’s article was about a recently discovered Yuan dynasty painting by Zhao Menfu (Chao Meng-fu), an artist, callitgrapher, poet, scholar, official that was my father’s main academic subect.  Can you imagine publishing an original article at age 91!  I’m going to be brain dead at that age, if alive.

My father recently received some heart warming career accolades from Nancy Steinhardt and John Barnhart, Professors of Art History (Chinese) at Penn and Yale.  Steinhardt “luminaries in the Chinese art field Cahill, Fong, Ho and Chu-tsing Li … Every student during this period turned to Li’s Autumn Colors on the Ch’iao and Hua Mountains as the model for both the study of a seminal painting and the specific questions to ask about a Yuan Painting masterpiece.”  Barnhart: “Your book on Zhao Menfu was one of earliest influences on my study of art history, but it has been only over the many years since then that I have come to realize how important that book [has]]been to the field of Chinese art history as a whole.”

Family

I think about Teri daily.  I’m listening to her favorite Christmas music, now.

I achieve another step in closure.  I organized a thank you - Chinese New Year luncheon for our division.

A week ago, Ron and I spontaneously went to see Jeremy Lin play the Milwaukee Bucks.  20 points, 13 assists.  Good offensive flow but a four point loss.

March Madness – my favorite sports time of year - we’ll see how far the OSU Buckeyes go.  Finished PD James Death comes to Pemberley, a mystery that follow Elizabeth and Darcy down the road.  Dad and I will watch Hugo together.

            

I saw Rachel and Jack in Columbus mid February.  Jack and I have bonded.  He is so curious about everything especially remote controls.  He can sway in time to the music.  He is so happy.  He says a few words and uses a few signs.  He goes to the Children’s museum twice a week and to the library once a week.  He still ‘runs’ with Mom and Dad in the jogger and has put in hundreds of miles in all kinds of inclement weather.  John commutes back to Columbus on the weekends.  Rachel is a creative mother who finds all kinds of ways to challenge Jack.

Ben breezed in for 14 hours on his way to Los Angeles for spring break and 6 hours on his way back.  His coursework is intense with relentless weekly quizzes and exams in neuroscience, microbiology/immunology, cell biology/physiology II, epidemiology, pathology and clinical skills.  Looking at his syllabus and online presentations makes me feel fortunate to have finished in an earlier era when there was seemingly less to assimilate.  He is disciplined and responsible.

As I think about Teri, in her unique way, she developed such a good ‘taste’ in friends.  She had so many true friends, YOU, smart and accomplished, and willing to fly across the country to come to her aid.  As I reviewed last year’s calendar, I realized how many days of her post-transplant life were spent surrounded by supportive family and friends.

I think about how much of her remains within the kids and grandkid.  I see the strong core sense of right and wrong.  The strong sense for good trustworthy people.  The fierce Tiger mom determination in her children’s success.  She would be so proud of who they are even more than their successes. 

We all dream constantly about her, being here, being healthy.

Happy Birthday, Teri

One year ago ...

The holidays, Rachel and John are moving, Teri’s award

Ben said I should write. 

It’s been a while.

A lot to do, back to working full time, and taking care of two households and Dad.

One good thing, I exercise nearly every day, but have several new routines, Tuesday Yoga, Saturday Tai Chi and Sunday Spinning.

Grieving still, professionally, with the kids, and by myself, at unexpected times when a small something triggers a memory …

The holidays

Three of us guys were here for Christmas.  It was the longest period I’ve spent with Ben in years.  I was impressed with his discipline, writing a paper left over from his research job and studying Spanish in preparation for a special 3^rd-4^th year clinical program in an underserved area in Flint, MI.  He put up the Christmas tree.

We had a lot of hot pot … my favorite!

Rachel, John and Jack drove up to Milwaukee for New Years.  Rachel was preparing for a mere half marathon and ran outside with John.  Jack is every where, walking, running, climbing, exploring, kicking and throwing the ball, babbling … and so, so happy.  Teri would be chasing, snuggling, loving every minute ...

Teri’s photomontage remained up on the walls comforting me, and Ben helped me take it down and put it into an album.

Friends Manu and Anjali, Kari and Ron, Monica and Kevin, Tony and Martha, Steve and Mary, Paul and Dean (in Madison) invited us out.  Bob and Melissa visited from the Harvard Sackler Museum.

I watched some of Teri’s saved TV programs … Glee, South Pacific … and listened to her Christmas albums …

Like her tooth pics, I found her nail file on the dining table tonight … again I’m not sure how it got there.  I don’t use it.

Rachel, John and Jack are moving to New Jersey

As of the first of the year, John was hired as a corporate strategist for Capsugel, a company that was just spun off from Pfizer and makes capsules for pharmaceuticals.  A very exciting opportunity to help a company grow rapidly.  Teri’s dream fulfilled.  He has been working in Morristown, NJ and flying back on the weekends.  Rachel and Jack are preparing for the upcoming move east to northern NJ, about 45 minutes outside of NYC. 

New Yorkers be ready to welcome them!

Teri’s award

At the first year pediatric GI fellow’s conference in Ft. Lauderdale, I had an opportunity to memorialize Teri and her final teaching moment.

In three weeks since I send out the request letters, we exceeded the $10,000 mark, closing in on the Foundation goal of establishing a permanent endowment that will fund the award in perpetuity ...  We may even be able to offer funding for pilot educational awards.

Teri was a natural with young children.  She always leaned toward the youngest younguns.  As she trained to teach progressively younger children starting with elementary age, then Montessori toddlers-preschoolers, and finally Montessori infant-toddlers … she always felt the greatest teaching efficacy was as early as possible.  I kidded her that she would eventually end up doing Montessori in utero!

This award, the first one for excellence in education and designated specifically for a young faculty member, would just make sense to her.  She would like it.  She would be embarrassed.  But she would like it.  It is fully tax deductible.

NASPGHAN Foundation – Teri Li Education Fund

NASPGHAN

1501 Bethlehem Pike

PO Box 6

Flourtown, PA  19031

I thank all of you who donated or are planning to donate, and once I get the list, I will thank you more personally.

Pensées

Teri died in peace.

As hard as it was for me to accept, I realize that she made the right decision for herself.  In hindsight, she suffered so incredibly much …

I continue to discover things about her.  I still get cards from hospital personnel who share memories of her.

I’m still learning life lessons from her.

She has surrounded me with beauty and her aesthetic touch. 

Supporting her fully in body and soul for the 19 months was the best thing I’ve every  done period.

Teri was the absolute love of my life.

Vancouver, tooth picks and Teri’s award – please donate

 Vancouver 11/5-11/14

                                 

Dad and I ate many simple Chinese comfort foods – won ton noodles – even those are discernably better than the best in the States.  We ate at two of the three top Dim Sum restaurants in Vancouver, Fisherman’s Terrace and Kirin.  We hosted one Shanghai-style banquet with shrimp, whole fish and crab – Teri’s favorites – for Dad’s friends including Chinese artists, art critic, art historian, and two former graduate students. 

Despite the seasonal rain and drizzle (7 out of 10 days), I ran twice outside and otherwise ellipticized and practiced Tai Chi.  I read Haruki Murakami’s Wind Up Bird Chronicle (intriguing, difficult to describe) and Ha Jin’s Nanjing Requiem historical fiction about the 1937 WWII massacre.  I learned that Dad was there until 5 months before and had he stayed another 10 days, would have been trapped there …  The book used actual names including Minnie Vautrin who protected nearly 10,000 women and children refugees housed at Jinling College.  The book mentioned Eva Spicer, one my Mom’s professors, who she saw again in 1963 in London.  I gave a talk at BC Children’s.

I learned more about my mother from her Jinling College roommate (90+) but was saddened to learn that her husband had died since we last visited.  In the vernacular of 70-90 year olds, chronic illness, hospitalization, disability, end-of-life, and passing were topics du jour.  I can relate.

More closure and reengagement

With Cindy’s help, we organized a celebration of Teri’s life for her Chinese woman’s group Gan Bei (‘bottoms up’) on the 18^th.  I left up the photomontage from the Open House.  Caroline and Eduardo, Kun, Lorraine, Ada and Cecelia, and Tina came for pot stickers, egg roles, fried noodles and dessert.  There was high energy and some tears.  It was something left to do on my ‘closure list’. 

The Gan Bei group brought an abundance of desserts that segued into an impromptu dessert night for neighbors the following day.

Kari, Ben and Rachel’s violin teacher in Columbus for 10+ years, and Ron, invited us over the next night for dinner. 

Seems like we are reengaging, we minus one.

Thanksgiving

Ben returned home for Thanksgiving.  He studied intensely every free moment, following lectures off-line, listening to pod casts, making note cards on his new HTC Rezound smart phone.  It is quite something to experience vicariously his challenges that are both similar and dissimilar (multimedia, much more genetics) to those from my ancient past.  He really enjoys the intellectual challenge, the social experience (group study). and the humanistic (ethical) dilemmas encountered.

Ben and I played ping pong, one of our core family activities in Columbus, at Spin, a nationwide chain combination ping pong palace, restaurant, and bar.  Imagine that you get a bucket of balls, can slam them at will, and someone else retrieves them and refills your bucket.  It was fun. 

We had our usual Thanksgiving turkey with the Koslov/Fulton clan (20+) in Madison preceded by THE best comfort chicken and matzo ball soup.  Steve had his 7^th annual trivia contest “Where was the French horn invented?”  “Where did banana hats originate?”  I spent time with one of my mentors Ray (and Memee) who recently developed AML and is undergoing chemotherapy, and son Michael, spouse Tina, and grandchildren Steven and Maddie from Seattle.  Our experience with neutropenic precautions has been useful for them.  We hope for the best. 

[Germany, Ecuador]

Charlotte and Bob invited us over for a post-Thanksgiving dinner of chicken with a sweet soy basting much like my mother’s.

Toothpicks

Teri typically cleaned between her teeth with Japanese toothpicks (carved at the non-pointed end) after dinner, and to my chagrin, would leave them by her place setting in order to reuse them.  When I was in Vancouver, I discovered one barely visible perched atop a thin ledge next to the bathroom sink.  Was it there before?  It has been 16 months since our last visit.  I chuckled when I saw it.  Typical Teri.  Was she there with us in Vancouver?

Then, when we were setting up for Teri’s Gan Bei celebration, I noticed one placed under her usual place setting.  I sit there now.  I don’t remember using one.  If I do, I don’t save them.  Was she here with us?  Mysterious …

Award in Teri’s name

I had a flash.  Teri’s passions, were children, education and service.  Amongst our NASPGHAN (North American Society for Pediatric Gastroenterology, Hepatology & Nutrition - I'm the immediate past president) members, the bulk of our young academics are choosing to become clinician-educators.  We have awards for research, life time achievement and service, but none for budding educators.  Why not have an annual award to honor educational contributions by a young pediatric gastroenterologist – Teri Li Award in Education?  I vetted this with our educational gurus and executive council.  They like the idea.  We would like to start it up next year.

We propose a $500 annual award and an initial goal to raise a $5,000 - 10,000.  If successful, we would like to aim for funding to support pilot educational grants. 

Please donate to this award in Teri’s name.

NASPGHAN Foundation – Teri Li Education Fund

NASPGHAN

1501 Bethlehem Pike

PO Box 6

Flourtown, PA  19031

Teri would be embarrassed for herself, but pleased as an educator.

Reminders and Vancouver

For those new to the blog or just returning, here are some highlights:

Oct 25th:  Award dedicated to Teri

Sept 29th:  A photomontage of Teri's life

Aug 31st (BMT +197):  Awake wake - more photos

Aug 27th:  Awake wake 'A celebration of Teri's life'

Reminders happen.

Last Tuesday evening, I spoke to Asian American and other minority medical students about how to choose a specialty.  At my table, an Iranian-American student had heard me speak previously on the differing expectations during the 3^rd year on the wards.  As part of that talk months ago, I had spoken about Teri’s BMT and why it was so important to join the bone marrow registry.  He cited points I made in detail.  Then he pulled up his sleeve and - wow - showed me the green plastic ‘kick butt’ bracelet that was handed out to donors way back in the spring.  I couldn’t believe it.  I showed him mine!  Teri’s supporters are still kicking butt. 

I promised Teri to take my father to Vancouver. 

On the plane we watched photos of Teri and my trip to Venice, Florence and Rome just four months before her diagnosis.  He was enthralled despite having been there a number of times.  “Too bad, you can’t go back to Italy with Teri.”  No, it won’t be the same.  Yes, I can go back.

Getting there.  Things work out.

The key to the condo was stolen and the lock had to be rekeyed.  But, trying to get cleaners in, the concierge was unable to open our door.  Anticipating that we would be up a Canadian creek without a paddle on a Saturday night, I had the locksmith come last week to straighten it out.  The cleaners cleaned and our key keyed.

Anticipating the need of another set of arms, I had Emily, Dad’s former PhD student, to pick us up at the airport.  Wheel chair assistance allowed us to bypass a huge queue of arrivals on China Air.  We went from touch down, through customs, baggage claim, final clearance to exit in < 30 min.  I couldn’t believe our luck.  It probably won’t ever happen again.

In fact, we exited so quickly we forgot to pick up Dad’s walker.  When we realized it and returned later, all the counters were closed.  No one answered the Delta line.  Whoops. The information people were unsuccessful and asked us to return the next day. I wasn’t sure we could transport Dad down the long condo hallway without it.  Discouraged.  We found another information staff – woman with that resourceful twinkle – who after getting no responses, somehow managed to find our original wheelchair driver who had been trying unsuccessfully to reach us by phone.  Lo and behold.

Vancouver is full of memories. 

Teri loved Vancouver.  She set up the household and stamped it with her attention to detail and stylish flair.  She felt at her best of anytime during the 19 month ordeal during July 2010 after her first rounds of chemotherapy, in remission.  Rachel (incubating Jack), John and Ben were here as well.  She ate like a lioness.  Her sticky rice, rolls made to order, the spinach/egg/bean thread bingzi pastry, the xiao long bao (Shanghai steamed dumplings) with vinegar/ginger garnish ... fresh lobster and especially crab with ginger and scallions.

THE BEST DIM SUM, HUGE DUMPLINGS, BURSTING WITH FLAVOR.  THE BEST COMFORT WON TON NOODLES WE’VE HAD.  Supposedly #1 or #2 in North America, competing only with Toronto and Hong Kong.

I retrace our steps of July 2010.  I drive to Terra Nova Park, past the Olympic skating oval, where we saw the bald eagles, but they are gone.  I walk to Diaso the Japanese $2 (Canadian equivalent to US) store to buy a few items where she had so much fun shopping.  I amble to the food market where they made her favorite fresh sticky rice rolls.  It makes me nostalgic, and sad that she is not here to enjoy her favorite things.

Jack turns one!

Jack turned one year old on Saturday.

I (and Teri) went to Columbus for 60 hours to celebrate his 1st birthday.  

I rode down John, a neighbor down the hall, whose son is a walk-on player for the Buckeyes having never played football in high school – an amazing feat due to his feet.  John and I were both going to Columbus, in part to watch the OSU-Wisconsin game, a major Big 10 Conference confrontation since Wisconsin knocked OSU out of national contention last year.

A poem for Jack

John and Jack

Frothing frosting

Wearing a winter present

What is this?

I think you are too old for me

Rachel invited her friends, co-workers, neighbors and some of Teri’s and my close friends: it was good to see Susan, Rhonda and Chris, Peg and Rick, Lilly, Jack and little Rachel.  Teri would be busy showing off Jack.  He takes 5-6 steps but he walks about constantly with his baby walker doing a baby marathon equivalent.  ‘Da’ is his favorite and only word, intoned from growl to high pitch.  If you ask him to clap, gong xi, wiggle, he will do it, and smile.  He ate the frosting from his birthday cupcake, became buzzed, and walked even faster.  

I saw colleagues Carlo, Steve, Hayat and many GI nurses (still there after all these 20 years).  The new Nationwide Children’s tower, the gigantic Digestive Disease Center, and the brand new (3rd) research building make it unrecognizeable from my last visit.  Ironically, the new hospital looks remarkably like Children’s of Wisconsin here.  I had lunch with Bob a former colleague who has left Nationwide Children’s.  Jack’s birthday party.

I went to the OSU-WI game with Rick.  It was an instant classic that turned on a turnover, several long plays, and two touchdowns in the last 2 minutes, the first for Wisconsin with 1:20 left to take the lead, and the second for OSU with 20 secs left to secure an upset win.  A great, great game to be remembered.  I’m still a Buckeye.  

Life goes on with a new cycle spearheaded by a little man name Jack.